Pride month: Becoming Visible

Pride Month: Becoming Visible 

My first Pride was a wonderful thing. It took me until that day to fully understand why Pride marches and events were even required. I vaguely knew the history, but it was a concept an idea that felt alien to me.

I felt a massive sense of wonder and joy. In many ways, it was a strange experience. I never really connected to the LGBTQ+ community before that because I never knew how or where to find them. The oversized, bold, loud, camp, and sometimes feminine energy used to give me “the ick.” Yet, seeing the Pride flags and the representation really hit home, especially since my own representation often felt invisible, forgotten, or hidden from view.

Originally, I went as an ally, but there was a deep desire that day to wrap myself in a flag. I wanted to come out and throw on the rainbow. I wanted to dance along to the drag queens and say, “Yes, slay queen!” My anxiety about being there was just gone. I spent the day looking around the stalls, finding food, and enjoying the moment. Finding a good spot away from the sun, I was just soaking it all in. I was happy, like I had finally found my people. Nobody cared, nobody knew who was what. None of it mattered. All that mattered was that we were there. Having fun and celebrating.

It felt like a true family event. It was inclusive, with so many different flags. Looking back, it perfectly represented the area and the demographics, from the young to the old and everyone in between. I remember overhearing some older gay folks talking about how it felt less like a protest and more like a family day out. In many ways, that felt like a massive step forward.

I can remember the days when this was unknown and not spoken about. We knew it existed. My generation saw the survivors of the 1980s. We have now become trailblazers carrying the torch, with an even more queer and free generation behind us. It feels like I am now part of that 80s generation the ones fighting the next battle after the swinging 60s, but without the same level of burden or guilt they had. We were told the message and remembered it.

With illiberalism on the rise and anti-progressive sentiment also growing, I feel the need to go to Pride again this year. I may have skipped a year or two, and while I’m not sure what is happening locally, I know a bigger event is happening near me. A local group of strangers goes every year, so I plan on joining them in the city. I am not sure what to expect, but it is meant to be more low-key compared to the ones that are mostly just parties.

I am not really a party person. I’m just hoping it captures the spirit and the moment of Pride I experienced before. I have my bi bracelet it’s subtle, but I have it—along with something else a bit more rainbow that I can’t quite tie up (thank you, free shipping requirements).

So, here is my experience with Pride, assuming I remember to go and write about it.

*Update

So went to pride it was warm, cloudy and overcast. It was second pride I been too and far bigger than last one. Went on the march it was a surreal moment. Being clapped at and stared at recorded. But thing was so many flags and people standing waving and cheering at us. It felt like a moment of protest we’re here to be seen and so much more. It was first time I had displayed myself act of bravey. But could not help shake the feeling as bisexual i could be invsialbe. Like last time I felt belonging. I did not feel so lonely anymore. It felt like a protest and party with me coming to terms with it all. This so far has been a joruney to discover myself and how queerness is experienced by me. It was confirming and adventure I took by myself with my own choices. Felt like moment of progress and one that we should not let be taken away. Was socliety with my trans brothers and sisters. I sort of understand speaking to some gay or bisexual folks i don’t know never asked. How important it was to them and me. Also how it feels when world moves forward. How hard it can be to be man and masclinyt. But for me I found balance between femminity and macminty. Accepting myself fully. Still fighitng to be done with bisexuals and trans rights. As much I would like to go insviblae it not a choice. 

But for all that it was party estompsphere not just protest. Everybody invited incluced. Was a fiction between different groups. Mainly more BDSM side of things. But at this event people kept things lowkey. Queerness comes in so many different forms and it was lovely to see so many flags so much of it. One did not feel so lonely but i keep asking myself where to find more like me. That sadly don’t have much of answer too. But I do know groups exist and wish was more weekly meets. For anybody who curious now own pride hat, non binary, pansexul braclet and pride flag. I know overthink things and that a problem. So jokes and words float around on my mind. It was nice just to relax and ignore that. It was a pleasure to meet up with others I had seen months ago. 

Last time I went as an ally, telling myself and others that’s all it was. This time I went as myself. Alone, which took its own kind of bravery. I don’t have all the answers yet, but for one day I made myself visible. Maybe that’s enough — not just for me, but for the people who can’t yet, or aren’t ready to. It would be easy to step back into the closet. Easier, anyway. But I’m not going backwards.