Emotive subjects often cloud your judgement and decision making process the result is decisions can be weighed. I am now face with just a decision emotionally painful towards my self. Conflicted I’m now of having to make the decision within a limited time frame . The decision is not knowing whether an that is in my favour or against me . Making a choice on a subject even more harder as I cannot rationally guess which was the correct choice . In the process of trying to understand which would be the best course of action however this is pretty difficult for myself.  Fancy some of mental illness that makes my decision process even worse . The most frustrating thing about the whole endeavour is it may not even reward you with something that actually worth the pain . Currently I am deeply conflicted which this solution to make as I am writing down my thoughts to try and understand . This bring me up to a very interesting point which is why is it taking so long. But this point is actually a distraction from whether or not this should be done . Have to make a decision within a limited time frame and convince someone to make a similar decision. This saga has what about questions regarding my own procrastination . I have been exceptionally vague  far and the reason for this subject is  personal . As I said I was conflicted and I still am however I feel that I have made my decision. The reason for this is because I don’t potentially want to open up old wounds but I understand why others would . Closure is often a such often a device which is rather hard to completely have . I understand why people want to see closure but at the end of the day does it really bring closure after the event more often than not no full stop maybe I have already made my mind up my confliction is more due the invisible individuals involved . The key problem here right now is the fact that I can’t make a decision do you have that the individual and missing from the equation .  Information I’m going to give you is it in regards to my mother’s passing . This subject is something that I’m not going to get over anytime soon and I won’t . Time does not heal grief it just carries on love does not disappear which makes the whole process easier . If I become more inactive it’s because mental health issues have popped up and this subject has had a negative impact on me. I won’t lie I had poor mental health for the past couple years and this object has tortured me during that period as well . However I am more than willing to talk about it compared to some was in my family as I feel offers more closure than not talking. I’ve also been using Google’s speech recognition software to write this. The reason for this is because I wanted to test it out and is often quicker for me to talk than type full stop now I must get back to the task at hand which is to find my self employment . I must as well that this task on someone with mental health issues is incredibly depressing and thank you for your patience if you have decided to read this.