Poem: Sheep and hills

Executive dysfunction or different function.
I’m sorry I don’t think like sheep, gazing on green grass.
Not wondering about the flowers, trees, wind and more.
What are they like. Who are they. Why. And so much more.

Focus shifting in seconds.
I try to adapt.
Feels like a world like that grass just doesn’t bend.

Clouds move the mind, rapid quick.
Looks like chaos but it’s not.
You don’t try to control it,
You’re working with it, not against it.

Feels like I’m slipping on mud.
Attention fades focusing on what passes one by.
Not in the event but everything around it.
Shifting to another job when it looks rational or logical to me.
Nobody sees that way, rhythm is out of whack.

Rhythm of time, like a leaf or grass blowing.
Dances away from me.
Throw something at me I will catch it,
Study it, try to grasp it before it fades.
But focus is true, just you don’t see the focus.

You don’t see so much like you’re blind.
Colour, sound and more I feel.
Overwhelming me like a sea hitting a wall.
Without my safety of pen, I get washed away by the mud.

I have tried to play by your rules and blend to your will.
But that ignores how I cope and things work.
This weight is not easy for me to deal with.
Without that net or something to grasp on, the world pushes me around
Like a leaf flying in the air until it crashes into something.
Is a lack of routine, I’m trying but seems impossible.

Like trying to herd cats, I move for you and see the wool.
Frustration and disappointment feast on me.
Judged without my coping tools anymore, it’s just chaotic.
Like sheep or goats eating everything in sight.

Yet you don’t understand the compromise I made.
Maybe it’s not enough like the grass and more is needed.

The chaos is a nightmare for me too.
Reset is required and I’m on my own now.
Lone sheep standing on a muddy hill.

I’m the black sheep.
A burden to carry, but I’m strong enough to do it.
It is a gift I need to learn, and mask.
Wearing it to hide is exhausting.

Like climbing the hill to see the sunset every day,
But always seeing something new.
I’m isolated out of choice, trying to grasp the sun,
Understanding a world which makes no sense.