Valentine’s Day and Bisexuality
Valentine’s Day and Bisexuality
Over the winter break, I’ve been reading, drawing, and writing. It is cold, dark, and wet, but the isolation has given me time to explore my queerness—to think about it, to truly understand it. For a long time, I felt pretty isolated and stealth about my identity, due partly to shame, embarrassment, and general reluctance. It is a complex journey, but one that is necessary.
Recently, that search for understanding led me to two books: Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality by Julia Shaw, and Bisexual Men Exist by Vaneet Mehta. I discovered a hidden culture and history that I never knew existed.
I picked them up as a pre-Christmas gift to myself (and, yes, partly for free shipping!). Reading them helped me realize a powerful truth: history rhymes, it does not repeat. Hard-earned rights require us to enforce them because they can easily be taken away.
So, what does this deep dive into bi history have to do with Valentine’s Day?
Well, it’s a “holiday”—and I use those quotes intentionally—that defaults to heterosexual and monogamous romance. It flattens human sexuality in a way that doesn’t make sense or add up to reality. That tradition is intentional, and it often brings up conflicting feelings for me about where I, and other bisexual people, fit in. I always found the holiday a bit weird, but recently, I’ve felt a strong desire to reclaim it.
The Historical Irony of Erasure
Reading these books really blew my mind because they showed that the ideas and arguments against the LGBTQ+ community are nothing new. The way we frame attraction as this simple, modern, binary choice—you’re either straight or you’re gay—is actually pretty recent. For centuries, people weren’t defined by labels; attraction just happened. What we call trans, gay, and bi people existed, but the words we use now weren’t applied in the same way.
Somewhere around the 1800s, society started defaulting to the idea that heterosexuality was the only “real” option. That history is why bisexuality often feels like such a mystery, even to us now. What’s incredible is how many of the dismissals and the skepticism we face today are just echoes of discussions that existed hundreds of years ago.
The Invisible Majority
I’m lucky that I live in a society where I see growing acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community. We see more gay and lesbian visibility in advertising, which is a big step.
However, the books highlighted a great irony surrounding our visibility. While acceptance has grown, some research suggests that bisexual people make up a slight majority of the overall LGBT community.
Yet, despite this potential majority, the perception around bisexuality remains rooted in misunderstanding and mystique. If we are potentially the largest part of the community, why are we still so often overlooked or dismissed as just being “in a phase”?
Reclaiming Romance
This is why we need to reclaim holidays like Valentine’s Day. It’s not just about grand gestures and simple labels; it should be a day to celebrate our complete self and the relationships that exist across the binary. Love comes in many different forms, and we should not focus on a narrow view of it.
My bisexuality is a fundamental part of my love story, no matter who I’m with. This Valentine’s Day, I’m celebrating love in all its complex forms and standing visible against the pressure to conform. Queerness has always been about exploring. For me, I still have a long journey to go and questions to ask. I hope this blog post successfully brings bisexuality and Valentine’s Day together as the sun begins to set.